Tuesday, July 17, 2018

I recently worked on a really awesome kids project and it reminded me of the things parents and kids said to me when I was children's entertainer 'Zappolina'. I thought I would compile them into a list for your amusement. For those of you who didn't know me then, attached is a pic of me from an event a number of years ago.....And here's some of the most memorable things I heard. 1. Wow, what a cool weekend job. What do you do for an ACTUAL job? 2. It's quite good what you do. I suppose anyone could do it really. It's not like it takes any qualifications right? 3. Lady: My kid is normally afraid of clowns. Me: Oh I'm a magician. Lady: Yes clowns normally scare him. Maybe it's because you're a bit softer? You know....a bit fatter and a bit less scary? (YES THAT HAPPENED) 4. Can you paint my child's face please? It's only a bit of snot. She's got the flu. Just paint over it. You'll never see it. 5. (YELLING PARENT) SON - GO AND LINE UP FOR A FREE BALLOON! And get one to take home for your sister. And the 2 kids next door. And your cousins coming over tomorrow, so get one for him. 6. (Parent pushing into the front of a 50 pax queue of people) PARENT: MY CHILD'S BALLOON JUST BURST I NEED ANOTHER ONE. ME: I'm sorry: the sign says one balloon per child. PARENT: MY CHILD'S BALLOON JUST BURST AND I NEED ANOTHER ONE IMMEDIATELY ME: Um.....there's actually a queue of people who have also been waiting to get theirs..... PARENT: I'LL JUST TAKE THIS SWORD. (Rips sword I'm sculpting out of my hands.....Child pops balloon.....again) PARENT: MY CHILD'S BALLOON JUST BURST. 7. Only half the kids have turned up for the party so I'll only pay you half ok? I know you're doing the same length show, but you're only doing half the balloons? 8. PARENT: Just wondering why MY CHILD wasn't chosen as the helper for your show? ME: Um....it's not his birthday? 9. Wow - that trick was amazing! Can you show me how you did it? ( I heard this sooooo many times....) 10. ME: Ok boys and girls: what's the magic words you use when someone's talking and you need to interrupt to say something very important? (Little girl puts her hand up) ME: Yes princess? LITTLE GIRL: F*&K up? 11. ME TO BIRTHDAY BOY (turning 5): Ok, shall we have a serious show or a SILLY SHOW today? BIRTHDAY BOY: Let's have a SILLY SHOW! No.....a serious show. ME: Why is that? BIRTHDAY BOY: cos when I'm too silly and laugh too much a bit of wees comes out..... 12. (after doing a pre-show warm up with some of the kindy kids where I kept sneezing up carrots....) ME: ok boys, Zappolina needs to go to the bathroom before the show, so go outside for a couple of minutes and shake out all those sillies so we can start the show! (Goes to bathroom and comes out to see one of the kids waiting for me.....) BOY: Zappolina......when you go to the toilet.....do carrots come out there too? Yup. Good times. And to all of my connections who are still in the industry as entertainers and educators for children: YOU ARE ALL AMAZING. Watch out for some cool kids music video's coming your way very very soon. M X


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